🔗 Share this article The Phrases from A Father That Saved Me when I became a New Dad "In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year." One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood. However the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured. Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo. "I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained. Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help. The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to open up among men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again." "It's not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time. They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook. He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant. When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her. 'Parenting yourself That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older. Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood. The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four. When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond. Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain. "You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem." Strategies for Coping as a New Father Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone. Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby. Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping. Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling. Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years. Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children. "I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen. "I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."
"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year." One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood. However the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured. Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo. "I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained. Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help. The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to open up among men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again." "It's not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time. They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook. He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant. When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her. 'Parenting yourself That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older. Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood. The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four. When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond. Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain. "You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem." Strategies for Coping as a New Father Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone. Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby. Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping. Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling. Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years. Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children. "I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen. "I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."